Last Minute Cheap Halloween Costumes

The Undercover Housewife:

• Wig or make your hair big and use curlers or something.  Call friends and try to borrow a wig.  
  
• Trench coat
  
• Big sunglasses

With these 3 things that you most likely already have you can transform yourself into the wife of a man who has been coming home late from the office for weeks now!  So, you go incognito and follow him from the office to a fancy restaurant - he's cheating!  You just know it.  You sit at the bar and very obviously read the paper as if to say, "Nothing to see here, folks.  I'm just a woman in a wig wearing sunglasses inside a la lots of 80's movies and I'm just reading the paper.  Pretty soon I'm going to smoke a cigarette and start coughing because I don't actually smoke but it only draws more attention to the fact that I'm just another bar patron on a regular night who keeps peering at the man at the table for two just over the top of the paper that I can't stop reading."  And then she shows up and they kiss each other on the cheek (he's never that European when he's with you!) and then she hands him a case and he looks in, nods approvingly and then gives her a hug and starts whispering in her ear - CAUGHT IN THE ACT!   You can't stand it anymore so you interfere and make a scene, slap him, slap her and slap him again.  Call him a cheater and start crying - you can't control your emotions.  He grabs you by both your wrists and calms you down by shhhhing you like a baby.  He's not cheating.  He's taken another job so he could afford to buy you A NEW DIAMOND NECKLACE!!!!  So silly...

Okay, so I don't have an elaborate story for all of these but they are still easy breezy beautiful cover girl.

The Substitute Teacher:

• Homemade spit balls
• Homemade "kick me" sign
• Sweatshirt to stuff in your butt to make it all kinds of big
• Socks to stuff your bra but you have to make them droopy and just below your waistline

You are the kid-tortured Ms. Whatever - the single cat lady who kinda resembles Mrs. Peacock from Clue.  

Boys - Joe the Plumber is popular this year.  Deal with it.  

Any other ideas???  I'm going as Bernie from Weekend At Bernie's.  I'm a dead guy.  The man-wig was expensive but everything else is from the thrift store!